When a fight about anything has a way of turning into a fight about everything, chances are there’s something else going on.
Often, the fight’s cause is clear, ignited by a tangible issue such as rebuilding trust after an affair, aligning parenting styles, determining whether and when to start a family, or some other specific, seemingly irresolvable disagreement. As often, there’s little more than a vague, intangible sense of disconnection.
Strengthening the Connection
For many, couples therapy holds the promise of strengthening the connection between partners and bringing out what’s best in the relationship.
Conflict in relationships—whether it emerges as smoldering rancor or white-hot flare-ups—is often about more than it seems. Often, a current of underlying meaning runs beneath the surface. For both you and your partner, those meanings may be carried forward from past events and relationships. Since you and your partner bring different experiences to a fight, you’ll likely each have different experience of that fight. Problems arise when a simple disagreement means one thing for you and something vastly different for your partner. It gets even more complicated when neither partner has full awareness of what the fight means to them.
Understanding You Both
An individualized therapeutic approach, unbound by manualized therapy, excavates the meanings you and your partner bring into your relationship.
My immediate goal for couples therapy is to understand both partners. As I gain an understanding of how your individual experience informs the meanings that play out in your relationship, so do you. Significantly, your partner also comes to understand what any given fight might mean to you. At the same time, you gain a deeper understanding of your partner.
Healing starts as you both begin to feel heard. Your focus shifts, first, from what is bad in your partner to what you are experiencing, and then to what your partner is experiencing.
Hope for Couples Therapy
Quickly escalating fights head a list of the many reasons you might be considering couples therapy. For many couples, couples counseling brings hope for:
- Lowering the volume of fights and calming their intensity, frequency, and acceleration
- Increasing intimacy and a sense of connection
- Resolving seemingly intractable disagreements around parenting, family-planning, household chores, career-decisions, moves, etc.
- Improving communication and deepening understanding
- Facing the challenges of infertility
- Rebuilding after infidelity and other breaches of trust
- Determining whether to separate or divorce
- Navigating non-monogamy, such as open relationships and polyamory
- Reducing jealousy
I invite you to schedule your first couples therapy session now. Or, if you’re wondering how we’ll all work together, please take the opportunity to request a free phone consultation.